Not sure since when.. perhaps long ago..
Mood and emotions are unpredictable.. very often i feel down..
I wish that im happier..
I want to be different.. but actually im a loser..

Am i too practical?
Or am i too lazy?
Can i have my happiness without going through hardships???

At Dayward this week.. 1st week of Aug..
Again.. JCI sweep.. environmental sweep..
No one do e expiry check on e July.. y izz my fault lei? *weird*

Rushed to admit daycase pts.. plan to check whole e-trolley & glucometer after..
Well,we r responsible for e machine faulty.. it should be check before pt arrive.. i noe~
In e ward, it is assign to check E-trolley at 2pm.. what if there is a patient collasped in e morning can't they use the e-trolley!?
Angio E-trolley check wasn't done before cases started even..
R we to be blamed even JCI sweep? *weird*

Ppl who opened the GTN or Insulin always never bother to date..
When i found out not dated.. i dated them.. accidentally dated wrongly..
Again, ppl screamed "OMG" straight infront my face.. I'm to be blamed again..

So fustrated.. but i cannot vent out..
If not, i appears to be defensive, stuborn or emotional again?!

Tues..
Really no choice to show BLACK face..
NO proper communication of handover.. even though only 4 Angio(s)!
Again... i appears to be over-emotional again?!

Probably,true enough..
Assignment make me feel so stressed & irritatable..
Then again, I just have to blame myself for being so stupid dunno how to do assignment..

HAIZ... HAIZ... HAIZ...

Excited chaos at work today..
All "HIGH" about ah ping's future.. -_-"

Attended a Philips Workshop at Raffles Convention on Wed..
Went down after Swensens Lunch Treat from Dr. Lim IH..
Last minute decision for me to go down..

Simple workshop trip turn out something "Shocking" in my life!
Really wanted to hide somewhere..

A friendly Philips guy came to host us..
Suddenly,Sharon suggest e guy to get my contact no.?!
My face turned white & my mind went blank?!
And e guy really went to retrieve his Hp & got down my contact no. ..
And Sharon keep trying to do funny things.. end i took a pic w him..
Bernice & Yenyen get to see him in Yanjun 3G Hp..
Really cannot underestimate Sharon..

E guy really msg me in e night.. called me.. we chat for awhile..
Im kinda surprised.. he sounds so ... ... over e Hp..
Well,im neutral towards him.. well,just do not understand y is me???
He flew back KL..
I didnt receive any msgs from him anymore..
Well,hope everything will be peaceful..

He is quite a capable guy..
Only 28 to reach his job position..
Well,i guess i just want to continue to be myself..
Just feel.. im not e one he is looking for.. y wasting time anyway..

Lately..
Under alot stress..
From work.. from undone assignment..
Unfortunately, more things provoke at me..

Request AL (wed) to stay at home to complete my assignment..
But, received a call from YJ that pharmacist came to audit?!
They pin-point little loop holes again?!
Had been staying back for couple of days, struggling to settle the drugs re-lebelling & storgae..
Now,i have no time for all these but to settle my assignment 1st!
Yet they come and chase after me again!
Sister changed my mthly inventory to weekly inventory!
Im really irritated!!!

Make an effort..
Hoping can give YJ a Belated Birthday "surprise"..
However,i realised..
I just like a clown playing with my nose..
Itz simply worthless..

I need sLeep..

Met up with Sarah after work today..
Hope she likes the Belated Birthday gifts..
Had dinner at PizzaHut (United Sq)..
She broke a news to me..
2 weeks ago,Weiling came to look for her at clinic.. seem like she is pregnant?!
Recent weekend, Yanjun met up with Liyi & Weiling.. however, Yanjun did not mention anything to me..
不知为何我感到失落。。
我只想保持沉默。。。

Many things im not aware..
Perhaps bcuz' im not really gossipy & remains silence whenever possible..
Or maybe nobody just want to tell me about it..

Today,Bernice was telling Yanjun e meet up time..
Apparently,a KTV session was arranged coming SAT at AMK plaza at 5+pm..
I was being informed & invited then & then..
Somehow,feeling rather weird in me.. & ponders am i really welcomed?
Feels that im drifting more & more away.. into my depressive world..

我怕。。。
有一天，我会迷失在独自悲伤世界里。。
四肢无力的抵抗。。
有谁来拉我一把?

Saw Dr Chan MF at TTSH food court today.. surprised~
Happy to see him again in TTSH.. but didnt manage to say Hi to him.. -_-"
He was in his Air Force Uniform.. *cooL*
After Bernice finished buying desserts.. i saw Dr Chan walking towards ATM?!
Should i?! Finally,i dragged Bernice with me.. go up to him & say Hi..
Reaching him.. he recognize me?? probably find me familiar..
Told him i previously from ward 12D.. he came to TTSH bcuz' of his mum at clinic??
Bernice,kept reminding me that im actually interrupting him.. cuz' he suppose to withdraw money or so.. so didnt get a chance to talk much.. *haiz*
Hopefully will get a chance to c Dr Chan again in TTSH..
Kinda miss e batch of ex-HOs.. Dr Chan,Dr Laura,Dr Heng..


我想。。。
打破的玻璃心是没办法弥补的。。。
虽然仿佛一切有如正常；平息了。。。
可是事实并非如此。。。
我很了解无论是我与她都不可能回到过去。。。
我只能往前看。。。 掩埋在自己异想世界里。。。
I just do not feel like talking much at work..

Very hectic and packed Monday at work..
At recovery.. off many many sheaths..
Feeling kinda tired.. having runny nose..

Just do not understand y..
Messed up Angio rm.. dun bother clear up and top up???
Why should only rely on CD-Key nurse to clear???

Guess, im petty as well..
Dun feel like talking to ching khai..
Hope on-call w him.. everything is fine..

Y yanjun treat me this way?
Did my responses really that slow that she find me irritating?
*Depressed*

Didnt manage to see Dr Yeong today..
Too exhausted.. fall asleep..
Shall see him tomorrow instead..
Shall i get some anti-depressant meds? Will it helps???